by Roxanne M. | Feb 21, 2019 | Business
Have you ever been the person with the huge humanitarian attitude especially with your family? Yup… that was me. I was the huge gatekeeper. Every problem would end up either at my front door or on the other end of my cell phone. I could never say, “No”… “I can’t help”. It was to the point where I started neglecting myself, my family, my finances and even my aspirations. I started noticing that I was devaluing myself in every area of my life because I was divulging in everyone else’s. It became so bad that it was to the point where I had developed an “approval addition”. Meaning…that if I was not helping anyone; especially for FREE, I did not feel complete; true story.
This gatekeeper; approval addiction kind of attitude, lasted until I realized if the shoe was on the other foot or I needed the support and the help, all doors were closed. No one was available. When I reached out, there was no one to lend a hand. Talk about a wakeup call! After a while, I knew that my mindset had to shift. I had to realize that it was all about developing a balance. If I wanted to help someone, it had to be when I could and I no longer needed the approval of anyone to do so. I had to retrain my brain to say, “No”… “Sorry I can’t”. This was especially when I began to notice that people were actually enabled by my help. For some, it became negative, when I could not help. For example, I would hear feedback like, “The Roxanne I knew changed”. “She’s nasty”. “She’s not the person I knew”. “You’re different”. It wasn’t that I had changed or became different. It was all about learning and starting to “love ME”. I had to set priorities. I had to set boundaries. I had to prioritize what was important to me. I had to make sure it did not negatively impact my family.
Sometimes in life, we start to allow our environment, circumstances, family and friends to negatively influence what we truly want in our lives. It becomes our identity and how we feel secure of ourselves. In some cases, this can lead to a life of feeling insecure. Some even become ill because of the stress level as a result of the inability to help everyone, by not simply saying, “No”. Let’s practice… stop reading for a minute and shout with me… “No… I can’t help you”. Don’t even put a sorry in the context. Now tell me how good this felt.
I can remember having such a need to hearing everyone say, “Thank you for helping me Roxanne”. “You did it again Roxanne” and so forth and so on. But… deep down inside, I was miserable. This was because I felt as if everyone’s hierarchy of needs were being met, except for mine. Although that was not the case, this is what I started to believe because I was not taking care of me first. Thankfully, with the support of some special people and friends, my mindset change.
I recommend that you write down your priorities, your visions, your wants. Then, have a list where you can refer back to in order to hold yourself accountable too. That way when you choose to do some humanitarian or philanthropic work, you are not jeopardizing your list of things to do for you. Learn to set boundaries. Who cares if you have critiques or negative feedback from others? Get off your butt and do something for you! Learn to invest in you!
Each and every day, when you wake up, repeat these words… “I LOVE ME”!
by Roxanne M. | Jan 30, 2019 | Business
It’s mid-January. I have a list of about ten items that I am sure I am going to accomplish before the end of the year. Eat healthier, lose weight, build my savings, increase my revenue and etcetera. I am so pumped up. I am sharing it with my family, closest friends and posting it on all social media outlets. I am ready. My drive is on level one hundred. “I know this is going to be a great year! I feel it! I am doing things differently this year! I am ready. Not going to make the same procrastination as I did last year! Nope…not I”.
Halfway through the year… I’ve only accomplished maybe two to three items on the list. Now my drive isn’t where it was back in January. Now I am thinking “Maybe I set too many goals and they’re not as important as I thought they were. I am young. I can make them a part of my short-term goals. I have all the time in the world. I probably won’t be able to get them done before the end of the year. I have too much on my plate and this will just have to wait”. Sound familiar? Yup… that was me.
On the flip side, it was driving me nuts because I knew I had to change my mindset. My bad habits were not going to work for me any longer. I refused to procrastinate. What did you change, you ask? I created DEADLINES… Yes… I did. I began to create a timeline of dates when I would get things done. January 26th, my list of emails for marketing had to be completed. Want to write an autobiography, chapter one had to be completed by February 15th. Want to save? By March 2nd; I had to have at least ten percent of my income in my savings account. So forth and so on.
Resolutions no longer worked for me. I wanted changes in my personal life, career, family, and finances. I gave myself deadlines. Guess what? It worked for me. I started to see results. I felt empowered. My social media outlets increased. My network increased. My family noticed the difference. I pushed myself, worked under pressure. Things got done. I was happier. Now, I am not criticizing anyone who completes resolutions or has goals. This method worked for me. In my opinion, a resolution is something you want to happen or something you want to stop from happening (Could be a good or bad habit). A goal is like a plan you set for something you hope to get done. But a deadline is scheduling a date that you will get something done. It holds you accountable. You become your personal project manager.
For me, I was determined. I did not want to have another unaccomplished list or just try and make things happen. I no longer wanted just to have goals. I was exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally of continuously making false promises to myself, my company or to my family. I wanted a timeline of deadlines with a list of dates I was determined to get things done.
So Mr. Resolution…I’m giving you notice! I want a divorce!
THE BLUEPRINT TO SUCCESS IS YOU!
by Roxanne M. | Jul 30, 2018 | Business
I can remember when I sat and wrote my first business plan. I was so excited to become a minority business owner. I could just see my dreams come to life on paper. No, it was not edited nor prepared to be presented to any investors…but it was surely perfect in my wandering mind. I just knew I was ready to be financially free. My thoughts were all over the place. I felt butterflies in my stomach as I envisioned myself and my family finally leaving the projects. No more paycheck to paycheck, I thought! This was it! I was ready to travel and promote what I had learned through many life experiences. I was ready to share my expertise. The feeling of excitement was like eating molten chocolate. Like winning the lottery.
All of a sudden, those feeling of excitement, motivation and drive quickly turned into FEAR and DOUBT. How was I going to do it? Who would believe in me? Would someone really want to invest? What if I lose out on my small savings? What if I am not ready or capable? Is this the right move? What if this is all wrong? What if this business plan fails? What then?
I immediately placed the business plan on my home office desk and said… “Tomorrow is another day”. But tomorrow quickly turned into, “Next week”, “Next month”, “Next year”, “Soon” and finally… “Someday”. Can you relate?
It was not until many, many years later that I cleaned off the dust from my business plan. The fear had not vanished… but I was determined to make things happen. I knew that all of the FREE work I did to help others using my skill set, was not in vain. On the other hand, I was operating a business without generating any income. I know, I know…. Huge mistake! Just being transparent.
I soon realized that the one who was keeping me from becoming a successful entrepreneur was ME. Was it hard? Yes. Did it take long hours of sweat and tears? Of course. Did I still invest hundreds of hours into my business with no return? Absolutely! I made a determination and had the drive that the blueprint for my success was and still is ME.
So… I have a question for you…If not now, then when?
THE BLUEPRINT TO SUCCESS IS YOU!
